My Mind (poem)

I see you smile but you don't know my mind. 
You don't see my visions or hear my voices
Telling me to harm,  telling me to fight,  to find
Someone to use as a release for my aggression 
No matter who they are,  how intelligent or kind.

I can hear your pleas of mercy,  your silent screams of fright
I can smell your tears and taste your anguish caused by me in the night.

But I fight the urge,  I punish myself for the horrible thoughts that plague me. 
I pray the Lord deliver me from myself,  to help to save me. 
And you live.