Though

If you're never happy,  do things that suck still suck as much?

Something I actually heard with my ears......lol.

"Yeah thats right you better look at me like you're a shit ass."
                                                             - My girlfriend

Conversation

I want to point out that the same type of people that have a problem with gays being legally bound together are the same type of people that had a problem with interracial couples  the same type of people that tipped over buses with black children on them during integration.   The same type of people that spike on equality while raping and beating their slaves in the background.   This government,  the one that I swore to uphold,  is nothing but selfish, pig-headed cowards.   Thats why it takes so long for troops to get their aid.   And that's why two fucking adults that want to marry purely for legal reasons have a hard time. I feel like God is going to come back and,  like the Bible says,  separate us by who help those in need and everyone in the government will be on the wring side for lining their pockets with the taxes of the poor a disheartened.   The people upon who's back this country was built and remains standing.   They live off of us and can't support us to save their own skin

a partly good day

A slow smile formed on his face.  He was sitting, gazing at the green marble-esque table infront of him.  He was thinking about things that the music was reminding him of.  “Dust in the wind” was the third or fourth song he learned how to play on the guitar when he was young.  He thought and remembered his teacher, the one that gave him his guitar at the end of senior-year.  It meant a great deal to him and he was now wishing he would make more time to play it.  Thoughts then went to his best friend that particular year.  The time that they locked a teacher in the court yard.  Or the teacher that they gave hell because his first name was Lauren.  The one that went to college with him and worked at the same start up ISP for a time.  The one who’s presence was a given at any function that John had. 

He took a drink of his mountain dew and went back to eating his sandwich.  He was getting goose bumps on the back of his neck.  It happened to him from time to time, so he backed himself into the corner.  The goose bumbs always precede suicidal and homicidal ideation.  He sits in the corner of the booth and waits for the storm to come. 

Someone next to him says “he fucked your wife.”  John shakes his head slightly as if the thought would fall out of his head.  He began to wonder what was happening.  He was just thinking good thoughts about a good time in his life.  Now its dark again. He thought.  He sipped on his mt. Dew a bit more.

A couple arrived in the stall next to him.  The man spoke too loudly and forcefully than John thought he should have.  John looked down his fork and in a movement, picked it up and scooted to the end of the stool.  What the hell am I doing? 

Then he realized his high was wearing off.  He had this experience every time he came down before.  He’d forgotten about it as it had been a while since the last time he partook.  He was adjusting.

The mans wife says “yeah” in a tone that made John want to slit her throat.  God, he thought, please give me the strength to control this better without help.” 

His hands are shaking and his breathing is erratic.  After a deep breath and exhale, John began to gather his things  to leave.  I suppose I have been out for a while.  Its about that time.   

Thought!

I sheet!  I sheet on your whole family!

Need ("thought")

I feel like we need either pot or ricin

Donald Trump (thought)

I hope that worthless piece of shit dies and I hope I get to help.

dog ("thought")

I hope her dog doesn't die.   Then you'd have to feed it to yours.

Entities (prose)

They come to me in the silence with sharpened claws and teeth. 
Searching with blades unsheathed ready to feast on the weakened souls of the righteous that know no peace. 
Creating fear and turmoil with each step taken always faking and pretending to be a guide to the awakened.  
Feigning concern while they burn rage into my mind.  Reminding me of all the different kinds of death that can be inflicted by my hand.  
Alas,  targets are chosen,  the rationale woven into the complicated and torn fabric of my mind. 
What will I find when I resist?   I say not if,  but when.   When time means nothing and i'm alone in my mind what will I see to strengthen me?  
No matter what encouragement or  good memories of this and that.   No matter what smiles of which I'm reminded.   No matter what love I've felt. 
They're there in the corner of my mind,  eyes glowing in the dark,  teeth and blade shine from the far off flames that fuels my anger.   They wait for a mistake to make me one of them.   They wait for when my guard is down to overtake and win. 
But this is my dominion,  I control the ins and outs of the field on which we fight.   From where I dig deep and find the light thats been buried for a time.  The place that gives me hope,  gives my will the might to shine.   Where I'm me and they are mere weaker entities in my mind.

Casualty (poem)

Dear soldier,  told to go without knowing fully what's in store.  
The ones that know sit high above, drinking their favorite drinks wearing their suits,  treating the conflict as a chore. 
They mold objectives and pass them down,  never hearing the sound of a mortar fly,  or a soldier die fighting enemies that surround. 
They don't fully understand what will happen to your mind if you survive.   Maimed,  untouched,  or revived; lucky to be alive. 
Who's luck is this that takes the very sanity of us,  shakes our core?  Some of us go more than once,  twice,  three times,  four.  
We know now the toll,  we tell all the young ones we see what's in store.   Prepare to change completely,  every soldier that fights is a casualty of war. 

Save Me (Poem)

I sit,  praying God will save me from myself.   
My actions,  my relationships,  my career and my health
Are weighed down by this hatred with either too much origin or origin unknown. 
I can feel it in the air,  oozing through my smile,  seeping through my bones. 
I want everyone,  and I mean everyone to pay for what I feel. 
I want them to know,  to understand, I want them all to hear
My muffled cries of rage and murderous thoughts and inclinations. 
The beast that I hold down inside,  praying for salvation
From myself.   And my urges.   And the nightmares that make me smile. 
From the demon that sat upon my heart and intends to stay a while. 
I sit in the dark,  praying to understand the part that I can play
To push it all out of my heart and rise anew in the light of day. 
Lord help me.   Calm this beast.  How much longer I can control it, I don't know. 
Save me from my thoughts,  my mind,  myself.   Save me from my soul.

What Now? (poem)

To those who have made me who I am today, the anger,  the rage,  the sadness,  the pain.  
To every single one of you who started the game, 
To all that gave the orders,  the instructions,  the main
Idea that strength was to feign 
Happiness while breaking and falling apart, 
Destroying lives,  creating tragedy,  killing souls and hearts. 
To all of you who preyed on me when I was weak, 
Killing dreams,  and goals,  making my future bleak,
I ask you now what to do in the dead of night,
When I wake in cold sweats and can't sleep due to fright.   When the souls that I've taken come for me in my peace,  when the outcomes of my decisions haunt me in my sleep. 
When every dream I had is shattered and I feel I can't go on,  I ask you now what do I do?  Where do I find my song?  
All I want is to die or to kill  or to maim, 
To cause tears and laugh seeking joy through pain, 
How do I live now that all I see is the dark in my life,
Not the smiles or the laughter but the heartache and strife,
What will you do after creating this monster I've become, 
What will you do,  when after you,  I come?

My Mind (poem)

I see you smile but you don't know my mind. 
You don't see my visions or hear my voices
Telling me to harm,  telling me to fight,  to find
Someone to use as a release for my aggression 
No matter who they are,  how intelligent or kind.

I can hear your pleas of mercy,  your silent screams of fright
I can smell your tears and taste your anguish caused by me in the night.

But I fight the urge,  I punish myself for the horrible thoughts that plague me. 
I pray the Lord deliver me from myself,  to help to save me. 
And you live. 

The devil's sex toys

I don't think the devil has any fun sex toys.   They're probably all chain mail and thistles

Joke In My Head ("thought")

What do you call a group of Republicans in robes?  THE KKK